Thoughts on Prop 8

A close friend of mine wrote this criticism of Prop 8 recently. It really touched me, so I thought it was worth reposting here... feel free to voice your opinion, but please keep it civil.

"What, exactly, is "wrong" with same sex marriage? And let me ask another question. Is it humanity's business to legislate morality? I bring all this up because on election day Prop 8, a ballot measure that effectively bans same sex marriage, passed in California.
Now with regard to Prop 8...there must be something here that I don't understand. Homosexuality is not something that people experience because they are bored. Or depraved. Or immoral. Or "unChristian." Homosexuality is something that people experience because it is who they are.
So, just to get this clear. We are saying that people should not be allowed to get married because of who they are, is that it?
We've done that before, of course. There was once a time when human beings said that marriage between people of different races was against the Will of God, and could not be allowed. There was once a time when people who were divorced could not be married in the Church because the Church said that divorce was also against the Will of God, and divorced people could not re-marry with the Church's sanction. It gets worse than that. I remember a time in history when human beings said that it was "unnatural" to be left handed. The nuns in parochial schools used to bind the left arms of children while they were in class so that the kids couldn't use them - forcing them to learn to write and function with their right hand dominant. I also remember a time when we told ourselves that babies who died without being baptized could never go to heaven, but were sent to a place called Limbo. And that it was not okay to eat meat on Fridays. And that we couldn't go to worship services in any church other than a Catholic church, or God would consider that we have sinned by exposing ourselves to false teachings. And after 9/11 Baptist ministers were not allowed to participate in multi-faith services, for the same reason, while a minister in the Lutheran Church was brought up on charges of apostasy, removed from his congregation, and "tried" before an ecclesiastical jury of his peers, which threatened to have him defrocked for praying alongside a Jewish rabbi, a Catholic priest, and a Muslim ulama at a joint service in Yankee Stadium to help heal New York.
Frankly, I'm tired of all of us. So I was relieved when the Catholic Church said that eating meat on Fridays was okay after all. And when Pope Benedict declared two Christmases ago that the 600-year-old teaching about Limbo was a mistake and could be disregarded because, the Pope said (finally), there was no such place. I was also pleased when the Christians of the world came to their senses and noticed that it was not an offense against God if a man and a woman of different races fell in love and joined their lives in marriage. And that God really did not hold it against divorced people, or become incensed, if they married others.
Now when do you suppose humanity will become equally clear about gay marriage? Gay people are not gay in defiance of God, gay people are gay because they are. Just as blue-eyed people are blue-eyed, and tall people are tall, and left-handed people are left-handed, and black people are black. We just elected a black person President of the United States. So come on, people, come on... Can we decide that people should be allowed to love each other without restriction?
The irony of same sex marriage is that all gays want to do is what so many straight people are trying to avoid doing - get married! Straights are "living in sin" as co-habitating partners without the benefit of marriage in record numbers - and society has decided that there is nothing morally wrong with that. I mean, no one tries to change the law to stop that. (Or is that next???) Hmmm...
And even if same sex marriage is against someone's idea (or some group's idea, such as a religion) of God's Law...what business is it of the State? Someone answer me that question. Is it the business of the State to make sure that a particular religion has its views embedded into the Law of the Land? I must be missing something here. We sit around in the United States and roundly criticize the so-called "theocracies" of the world, where government decisions and rules of law are very often mixed heavily with certain spiritual scriptures and religious doctrines - and then we turn into exactly that here in the United States, when it suits us to do so. What is that? Isn't that hypocrisy? Am I missing something here?
In the past, I spent much of my life worrying that God was offended by my sexuality. I worried that when I fell in love that I would be punished, and when things didn't work out, I believed that is exactly what had happened. I knew from very early on that I was different, but I didn't know what to call it until I was about fifteen. I felt segregated, not just from my peers, but from humanity. When I finally I fell in love, I wondered what on earth could be so wrong with something that was so obviously (to me) true and good and beautiful. That many will think that statement deeply offensive is a matter of deep sorrow for me. I don't want to be offensive, I want, like most of humanity, to be loved and respected. And I want to commit myself to one person in the sanctity of marriage, a deep and meaningful commitment based on mutual love, respect and honor. Like many gay people, I pleaded with God and said 'if it's wrong then take it away'. He didn't. Many would say I should resist sin, but when the sin is love itself, how do you resist that?
I have since learned to love myself as I was created. In the end, that is all that matters. I only hope others can do the same. And eventually, maybe, we can learn to love each other."

Life Lesson - The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

I've been having a hard time lately - a friend sent this to me - a simple chain e-mail message... but I thought it was worth posting here if it brings anyone the same sense of peace and acceptance that it did me.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. 'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.'

Pleasantly Surprised

While researching today, and reading Nick Kristof's "On The Ground" for the New York Times, I came across a link to Mia Farrow's blog.
She is a passionate and seemingly tireless advocate for the rights of the people of Darfur, not unlike Kristof.
I thought I'd share... perhaps I'll write more after I finish reading her posts from this summer... a daunting 75 pages when printed.
Also, a friend loaned me her copy of Emma's War. I'll try and post a response/reflection when finished as well...

Dateline News Covers Congolese Child Soldiers

I came across a series of four shorts on the war in the DRC shot by Dateline. The first two are on Congolese child soldiers, the third on the perpetuation of the war in the DRC, and the fourth is an Ann Curry interview with Laurent Nkunda.
I thought they were interesting, but had problems with Curry's interview style. I feel like reporting today consists of a lot of manipulation and leading.
Any thoughts?

You Can Help Stop Child Soldiering!

This article was found on the World Vision website and was referred to in the Invisible Children blog. I thought it was worth re-posting. If you can help - please do!

Children around the world are exploited on battlefields as sex slaves, porters and combatants. But your senator has the opportunity to make a critical decision that would increase their protection from this kind of abuse.
For more than a year now, World Vision has been working with supporters like you to ensure the passage of the Child Soldier Prevention Act — a bill that will restrict U.S. military assistance to governments that use children in conflicts. As often happens, the child soldier bill has been combined with another bill, the Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act (TVPRA). The TVPRA represents the first major comprehensive U.S. effort to address the global scourge of human trafficking. Not only does the bill provide measures for combating child labor and sexual exploitation, but it includes the vital provisions of the Child Soldier Prevention Act, which can help eliminate the use of child soldiers in places like places like Colombia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Uganda, and Sri Lanka. The House passed it's version of the bill 405-2. Now it's time for the Senate to pass its version and reconcile any differences with the House-passed version.
Join others in making a call to support the TVPRA and Child Soldier Prevention Act. Call your senators today — it's easy! Calls to congressional offices are typically taken by receptionists who briefly note the topic you are calling about. You will not be asked for detailed information.

VISIT THIS SITE TO FIND YOUR SENATORS

You can use this script when you call:
Hello, my name is ________ and I live in __________. I would like to urge the Senator to pass the Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act (S.3061). The Senate needs to pass this historical bill and reconcile it with the House-passed version as soon as possible.
Thank you.

Are Americans Ambivalent to Human Rights?

Much of the world easily embraces the principle that everyone is entitled to basic human rights – including a decent job, housing, healthcare, food security. Are Americans ambivalent? If yes, is it more of an attitude? What can be the solution? Lets hear it from you........

This was posted on Sociologists Without Borders' ThinkTank website.

Below is my posted reply:

I agree with Judith that American ambivalence is (both regrettably and thankfully) a generational thing.

I believe that a lot of our (American) understanding of basic human rights and socialism stems from Cold War ideology and weltanschauung. Simply uttering words such as “socialism, Marxist, communism” quickly brings an associated negative response. Americans have been conditioned to disregard whole ideological frames.

I agree with whoever it was who talked about the slow change in Detroit. For much of America, life (or affording what has been deemed by society as an acceptable standard of living) is going to become much more difficult to afford. This, historically, has led to new ideas, resistance to programs and government that are not providing or looking out for its people, and eventually, change.

I was very hopeful when the presidential race started up around last year and thought “finally, we are going to start talking about real issues as well as what we can do to change the status quo”. But this has not happened. Even with a candidate who supposedly fully embodies the principle of change, the media and the American public has remained grounded in speculation and gossip (flag pins and “terrorist fist jabs”).

We have refused to believe that we have been a negative force internationally during the Bush Administration. We have blown off our ‘torture policy’ and horrendous practices in Guantanamo and Iraq – because ultimately, what we are doing is good, right? Typical ‘ends justifying the means’ rhetoric.

We obviously can talk the talk, but aren’t willing to walk the walk. Sometimes this is market driven (like overlooking appalling working conditions for factory workers who slave to create Sean John shirts or Nike shoes). Sometimes this is ignorance driven (like when we refuse to get involved in preventing genocide or other human rights abuses because ‘it isn’t our responsibility’).

I think a whole new generation of Americans is growing up, paying more attention to human rights, appalled at America’s track record. While I hope this signals a shift in policy, I am regrettably more pessimistic.

When I speak in schools about human rights issues, such as the condition of IDP and refugee camps, child soldiering, and genocide, students genuinely seem to care. It is the impetus to action that is missing. It seems to me that they are completely unaware, or ignorant of what they can do to promote change. This, unfortunately is not a generational thing.

These problems are perceived as too big for one individual to tackle and make a difference. What a shame.

Anyone who has ever been to the developing world knows that one person can make a huge and meaningful difference. For me, knowing this calls for an end to semantic debate. It is a call to action. It is just that in America, inaction is far easier. It is so much easier to ignore the suffering around us and concentrate on the new reality show on television, or spending our money on the new consumer plaything on the market.

For the past year I have been involved in rehabilitating a small group of former child soldiers at a refugee camp in Ghana. While working there, I have been amazed to see how many students opt to spend a significant block of time volunteering in Africa. I think this is a new trend – I don’t know. It could be the best kept American secret. If it is a new trend, it gives me great hope for the future.

Results

The following was a narrative from one of our former child soldier scholarship students who has finished his vocational training and has graduated. He is now participating in a CSRF/MBB sponsored PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) counseling program. These are his thoughts:

I had no interest for this whole thing when it all started. I thought the people came here to just know about us and go make money out of us. But you see me sitting here so, it is not that something is wrong or that I am worrying, it is because I have just started getting the picture that the people want for us to be able to control our own minds, know how to talk with others and I think make us civilized people. Every time I sit in front of the woman [his clinician], she asks me all sorts of questions like how I used to feel whenever I shot a gun or shot somebody and the person died or was crying from pains, or what do I tell my girlfriend to make her happy when she feels that I have offended her and how do I feel later seeing that I have made her happy through my own sense? I tell the woman that I can tell my girl that I'm very sorry and that I promise not to offend her any more. Right there after I have answered her question, Prof., then something can just click to my mind, then I begin to see understand that she's drawing my attention to identify my ability to reconcile my own bad behavior. The woman has not actually asked me about what I intend to do to people who I one way or the other offended or hurt during the war but my imagination is making me to kind of see the relationship between the feelings of those people who we killed people from in Liberia and that of my offense to my girl. So the fact is that if I am able to identify my potential in dealing with specific cases like the one I just explained to you, then I have the sense that my friends are doing likewise. But if I had my own will, Prof., I would tell our sponsors to carry this kind of training to Liberia. It is too important to our lives. I think all of us Liberian youth need the PST and I believe everybody here feels that way too. We can be talking about it when we sit in our caucus. Don't mind the guys who can come here and be shouting, they can plan to come and do so , it can't really come from their hearts, they just want to draw attention. All of us are enjoying the training. I won't lie to you Prof.

::And this is why we do this::